


Actions Speak Louder than Words

by zombiecupcake



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Clary Fray & Alec Lightwood Friendship, Episode 2x05, Gen, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-07
Updated: 2017-02-07
Packaged: 2018-09-22 17:27:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,309
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9617846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zombiecupcake/pseuds/zombiecupcake
Summary: A reimagined version of the Rite of Mourning scene in 2x05. The way I wish it had gone.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Just a quick little scene I just couldn't get out of my head. A fix it if you will. I apologize for any errors in the text as I posted this from my phone. Enjoy! :)

This is the life of a Shadowhunters, this is the life of a Shadowhunters. Alec repeated his mantra over and over, desperately hoping he would eventually believe his own words. This shouldn't be this hard. He had attended many Rites of Mourning in his years, for people he knew far better than Jocelyn Fairchild. Besides, Alec had tried to make things right, he had been willing to go to the Warlock with Clary and try and bring Jocelyn back to life. The deed itself however had been tainted by his doing it more to relieve his own guilt as much as attempting to get Clary her mother back. 

Looking at his reflection in the mirror Alex flinched. He was in his mourning clothes, the stark white contrasting with his black hair and the dark circles below his eyes. This however was not what made Alec flinch, what did make him flinch was in fact what wasn't there. His hands were clean, no trace of the blood that had stained his right hand not so long ago. There was nothing even remotely unclean about his hands, Magnus having taken his hands in his own and clipped and clean his nails to help remove any trace of his deed from his body. It had been thoughtful and Alec had allowed it knowing it was Magnus' way of helping, Alec however believed he should have to live with the proof of what he had done permentanly on his body, much like his runes. His hands were far from clean. 

Alec was unsure just how long he stood there in front of he mirror, off in his own little world, his trance only broken by a knock at his door. Alex shook his head, attempting to clear it of its bloody visions before moving andnopenkn the door. 

"Ready to go? Izzy's already down there," Jace said without preamble. Jace looked as handsome as ever, looking every bit an angel with his white clothes tat matched his own and his pale blonde hair. Alec desperately wanted to say no, to have some sort of excuse that would allow him to miss the Rite of Mourning altogether, but he knew he couldn't. He may have been guilty, but he was no coward, he would have to face Clary a lot more in the coming days, if not years, he wa going to have to try and move on. He was Nephilium, a Shadowhunter and he was strong. 

"Yeah, lets go," Alec said moving toward Jace, as well as closing the door to his room behind him. Jace attempted to make small talk as they walked though the halls of the Instatute, however Alec wasn't much for conversation of any kind. He still couldn't understand how Jace couldn't hate him. He acted as if Alec wasn't in any way responsible for his mothers death, let alone her killer. 

Conversation came to a complete halt when they finally arrived in the hall. Alec didn't have the heart to truly meet anyone's eyes. He looked around among the people, more taking stock of his surroundings like he always did, rather than trying find someone or check who was present and who was not. 

They weren't standing there long before Jace was moving. Alec wished his brother, his best friend, his parabatai would stay there standing next to him, but he knew Clary needed him more. At the very least Alec still had the rest of his family, he hadn't really lost anyone, and here was Clary losing one of the few people she actually had to begin with. He almost snorted at the term as he thought it in his head. Clary hadn't lost someone, her mother was dead and gone forever, not a button you lose and find years later behind a bed or under a dresser. 

Alec kept his hands clasped tightly in front of him, his left over his right, covering the murder weapon. As the names of the Silent Brothers felled by Valentine's men in the City of Bones, Alec squeezed his hands that much tighter. He held strong until it came Clary's turn to speak. His heart broke at th Sam time as Clary's voice did. The dam that had been keeping his tears at bay with it. He kept his head down, looking at the ground in front of the bodies, rather than the shrouded bodies themselves. 

Jace's voice ran clear as he spoke the name of his mother and Alec shifted slightly. He hadn't he strength the join his voice in to speak the words that came next. Jace had always been the stronger of the two and Alec was never more certain of it than in this very moment. 

Next thing Alec knew he was shifting again in order to make room of Clary and Jace to stand next to him. He dug his blunt nails into his hand as they stood net to him, while the Silent Brothers touched their steeles to the bodies. Alec hadn't realized how far he had zoned out until the brush of something on his hand jerked him back to reality. His initial reaction had him unlocking his hands and moving back half an inch from the ck tact. Once he realized no one else had reacted, meaning there was no danger, Alec looked down to see a pale hand held open in front of him. Confused he followed the arm back to its owner, his eyes growing wide with shock as he met Clary's own. She was pressed tightly to Jace's body, however she had one hand extended to him, her eyes boring into his expectantly. 

It took Alec a moment before he finally realized what she wanted, it took him mother moment to determine it was all actually happening. Clary's stayed there the whole time, waiting patiently, her hand held steady. Eventually Alec had to look away, staring at Clary's hand as his shaking hand slowly reached up to take hold of hers. As soon as his skin made contact, Clary turned to watch what was left of her mother lifted and exited the window. Even without looking, Clary must have known how uncertain Alec was with this act as she laced her fingers with her own, holding his hand tightly while pulling it closer to her body, forcing Alec to take a step closer to her. 

Alec turned his head to see where his hand was twined with Clary's, his mind finally catching up. This was Clary's way of forgiving him. Even though she was hurting so deeply, she was still able to recognize the fact that he was guilty and he was hurting too. Tears fell down his face, but he made no move to wipe them away, it seemed only fitting that he have those salty tracks down his face to match the ones on Clary's face. Eventually he was able to pull his sight away from his hand held in Clary's to watch as the final ashes escape the Institute window, and the shards of glass twisted to seal the gaping window, much like the wounds left in the chests of those remaining. 

Once the window was while those attending began filing out. Alec, Clary and Jace however all stayed rooted to the spot. Alec felt Izzy come up closer to his side, wrapping her hand around his free one, while laying her head on his shoulder. Each member of their little team took their time in leaving, allowing their shared contact to help rebuild the world around them. Guarding those in the middle who allowed the tears to run down their face, one of pain and loss the other of guilt. But all knowing that when the tears stopped and they finally left the hall that they would all be ready to try and move forward, together.


End file.
